How to look cool in your cc this summer

TAKING the roof down on your convertible is like deciding to have a barbecue.

You can guarantee that before you say “sausages” it will start to pour with rain.

You have to love the British weather. Like Tim Henman, it shows promise early on then peaks too quickly.

Last summer we saw about as much sun as a Nordic nightwatchman.
And this year? Torrential rain ... in July? Hello? It’s enough to make you go buck wild with your aerosols to make a bigger hole in the ozone layer.

Yet open-topped cars are popping up everywhere. The only problem is that we Brits don’t do “convertible cool” too well.

We just don’t get the practice, unlike Los Angeles folk who have perfected the art of looking louche and laid back as they cruise around in their convertibles under a canopy of Californian sunshine.

I decided to compile a list of “Do’s” and “Don’ts” as a guide to looking like a cool cat in your convertible, conducting some research with the help of my friends.

Well, that is if you can call helpful every one of my male friends saying the most important thing was to have a companion who looked like Cameron Diaz and behaved like Gillian Taylforth.

However, I’m going to keep it clean and I suggest you do to.

Do

1 ... choose your music carefully. If you’re going to crank up the stereo and subject the whole street to the sound of your pumping tunes, make sure they’re good ones. Eminem, R&B and aggressive house music are strictly for the under-thirties. Only move your head like a chicken in time to the music and sing along if you’ve got good rhythm and can hold a tune. Being shameless helps.

2 ... kill your speed. Convertibles are strictly for cruising. You are meant to waft along, not try to break the land speed record.

3 ... watch your road manners. Road rage and convertibles don’t go — remember you are vulnerable and a sitting duck so no cutting anyone up with flamboyant motoring manoeuvres. There is nothing but air between your face and White Van Man’s fist. So respond to everything with a smile — even someone making a gesture at you as though they are shaking an imaginary can of fizzy drink.

4 ... be selective with your passengers. You only want to ride with your most stylish homeboys and homegirls. Leave Granny at home — or put her in the boot. And four blokes in a convertible is a definite no-no.

5 ... look as though you are having fun. There is nothing worse than seeing someone driving their soft-top with a face like a slapped a**e. Roof-down motoring is hugely enjoyable, so even if you’re just off to the supermarket, behave as though you’re on your way to the best party of your life. Throw your head back and laugh with gay abandon. Smile, and the world will smile with you...

Don’t

1 ... forget that you are on display. So no picking your nose at traffic lights, squeezing your spots, plucking your eyebrows or admiring your nostril hairs in the mirror. Lucy Clayton would have a heart attack.

2 ... wear Biggles goggles and leather flying cap in a post Seventies car. Not a good look. No back-to-front baseball caps or bandanas either — you’re not P. Diddy.

Ladies — only wear the silk scarf and sunglasses combo if you’re driving a classic car.

3 ... think it’s not going to rain. It will, just at the moment when you have caught the eye of a stud-muffin/foxy lady. Whether it’s an electric or manual roof, make sure you’re a smooth operator. Fumbling around on the side of the road in the pouring rain is neither fun nor cool.

And never leave your car alone with the roof down. The nicer the car, the more spit you’ll find on the seats when you get back.

4 ... look cold. Yes, I know it can get chilly in there even when the sun’s out, but we don’t need to know about it.

Wrapping yourself up like an Arctic explorer is simply not on and defeats the whole object of the exercise. You’re supposed to look summery, dammit. Turn the heaters up or strap a hot water bottle to your stomach if you have to, just don’t shiver.

5 ... don’t wear a short skirt, for obvious reasons. But clambering in and out of a low slung sports car needs practice regardless of sex.

Most men just don’t have the legs for it, anyway. If you are particularly ungainly and look like a giraffe stepping out of a swimming pool, adopt the “recovery position” — gazing at a fixed point down the road. Or use a decoy to deflect attention, like letting off a firework or getting a friend with Tourette’s syndrome to shout obscenities.

PLEASE bear in mind that these are the opinions of someone who doesn’t even own a convertible. I have, however, spent many summers sweating in my hatchback and watching people who do. Hell will probably freeze over before I get my mitts on a Ferrari 360 Spider, but a girl can dream. Anyway, you can always fake it by leaning against someone else’s with a burnt face, some dead flies stuck in your teeth and a light coating of lorry driver’s gob.

by Emma Parker Bowles

Thanks to The sun for this article.